For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
I’ve been a discovery channel fan .. Well probably since my dad installed astro. Some of the documentary/shows I really like to watch including Deathliest Catch, How Stuff Work, Man vs Wild, Mythbuster, and well alot more. The thing about discovery channel I really like is the commercial.
Before this they had this clip with the theme “The world is just awesome”
And now they have this new “Live Curious” theme, which is very nice! Discovery channel’s commercial is always breath taking!
**** Rants ****
– Finally I’m almost done with the job remaining in Alor Star and heading back to KL next sunday!
– It’s now time to seriously work hard and get better!
– Oh before that I’m going to Singapore on August 1 and I just accepted 1 job on July 31st. Then only now I realized I’m going to Singapore… So I reject it.. yet again. Image -10.
– Ah, it’s time to journey to a circle of new friends, new environment, and, everything new. =/
– And I miss college and friends so much
– Good bye!
Been thinking a lot about death lately. Hey FYI this is not about the emo blogger okay? The stories I heard lately, it’s all about death. Maybe it’s because we’re all grown up now and it’s time for us to realize this sad in life?
Let’s face it, sooner or later, we will all eventually, die. Sooner or later, the person you the love will leave us, this is, a part of life. Let’s face it. Yet, we can’t do anything to it, if you believe like how I believe, you’ll know that it’s all destiny. We can’t prevent anything from happening. Right? So what can we do, you ask? That is the question with no answer until lately, I realize. The word is treasure. If we can’t do anything, the only thing that we can do is, treasure every moment! And this my friend, is a lot more easier than it might sound.
I have a very annoying grandpa. I don’t like him. In fact, I used to hate him. Why? Well it’s a family matters so I don’t want to disclose it here. But hey, now that I’m a grown up, I start to understand more. I still don’t like the way he deal with stuff, yes, I still disagree with his thinking, but, hey, no matter what, he’s still my grandpa. What have gotten me into this lately?
My uncle got diagnosed with first stage nose cancer few months back. He was very very lucky to detect that early and still have time to cure. In fact now, he finished all the treatment and now a healthy man 🙂 Only with a few side effect such as tasteless food (but he says its coming back slowly).
And then my dad’s babysitter. The one who cared about our family even until today. Not today tho, she passed away few weeks ago due to A STUPID DOCTOR in a private hospital called PMC (Pergi Mati Cepat). I still remember what me and my friends used to joke about when we’re in secondary school. We said that PMC stands for pergi mati cepat. It’s freaking true. Check out the website if you want to : http://www.putramedicentre.com.my/
The story goes like this.
She met an accident, not a major one, but she still admitted in ICU. After a few operations, there’s this doctor claimed that she’s alright now, and transfer her back to the NORMAL WAD. When she’s in the normal wad, she keeps complaining how painful is the stomach and she asks to switch to another hospital. I can’t remember what reason was that, but the family members says they will transfer her to another hospital in Penang and see they can find out what’s wrong.
But they’re too late.
She died in a NORMAL WAD! The stupid doctor claimed that it’s because of the heart problem. But wtf, she have no heart problem. So they open her up (I forget what’s the term call, duh) and they found out that, (something is wrong with the stomach, again, I forget what’s the term called) and, a operation can save her live. LIKE WTF??
It’s seriously like, Pergi Mati Cepat.
However, that’s not my main point here.
Because that’s how life is. We’ll never know what we gonna get.
Whatever that happened, it’s meant to be. We can’t do anything much about it. When problems come, instead of crying/sobbing/whining about it, do something. solve the problem. Because Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react!
And I do believe that, every tomorrow is a better day.
I’m not emo
Hello! It’s been awhile since I update this blog, so I think it might be good to update this with what’s happening with my life now. Anyway like anyone care. Well what I have to say so far is, life’s should be good so far.
By the way, do you like my new theme? Nice leh! Haha. Say say say you like it please?
Oh ya! Worked for an India telecommunication company called iDea’s company conference.
Work was great, but it was tiring. Got called the day before.
“Would you like to come? it’s at Prince Hotel and you can come tonight at 12am. We’ll be setting up for the whole night”
So I went and, yes, everything that he said is true, we really set up for the whole night (it’s normal I guess)
We set up from 12am to 10:30am, and then I get to go back and shower, sleep for 1 hour, feeling so tired physically and mentally, and then off for the event at 1pm again. It was good experience tho !
After that 3 days work I suppose to have another RTM show, but I rejected that and went back hometown, to help out my dad. He have so many projects coming up and luckily I made the right choice. Over here there’s not much experienced worker and most of them do not even know how to set up properly. It’s a government installation project, so I can’t risk it and I’ll have to help my dad out!
That’s why I rejected a few more work coming up for me. I not sure if it’s a good thing, I know, I should have just stay there and just accept all the work that came to me – but hey, I think, helping out my dad is the most important thing I should do, and, chances are always there..
Why am I feeling like “ka ki kong, ka ki song” (meaning say for ownself fun)
ICOM is staring new semester soon! 😦 And I really miss all the fun I had there..
Really miss all the fun time! The MML, the people, the dinner after college, the dinner after recording, One Stop Cafe, ahhh, 😦 Well, never mind, life goes on, right? But I still miss the time lah……
And hey !
It already sounds fun by just saying it, right? Haha. Hope I don’t have any work on August 1 tho.
Hey! Don’t kill Mr. Octopus please. Although I admit that I’m not a football fan, and yes, why do I care eh? Don’t care lah. Haha
Guys, check out Wong Fu Productions! With just 3 guys the stuff that they can do is really.. amazing! See that’s the kind of thing that make me really really wanted to do video… Haha.. Maybe I should start………..
And oh, check out their new web series, “Funemployed” that’s so so nice 🙂
I think lately I’m very outdated, I never watch Karate Kid, A-Team, Toy Story, and whatever. Wah! Who wanna date me for movie? 😦
Don’t know what else to write anymore…
Till next time,
I’m effin tired today!
Let me tell you how the production schedule looks like (which never exist, anyway)
We’re suppose to start from 9am to 6pm.
So here’s what they do :
8-9am : Everyone start coming and set up
9-10am : Make up, dress up
11am : Start to rehearse
11am – 12pm : 1 episode, intro shoot
12pm – 1pm : Realized that they have limited time for five (5) episode to shoot today, they start to hurry up a little bit. Just a little bit
12pm – 3pm : Finish one and a half episode , slowly, taking their own sweet time
3pm – 3:45pm : Lunch break
3:45 pm – 5pm : Continue shooting, hurry up even more
5pm – 5:30pm : Knowing that they need to more time, started shouting and started to rush thing up to normal speed i expect them to shoot like
5:30pm – 6:00pm : even faster
6:00pm : Ask for permission to go on longer (suppose to leave now, and they will continue shooting if we didnt stop them)
6:15pm : Get the permission, and 2 hour limit.
6:15pm – 8pm : NOW THIS IS THE SPEED YOU GUYS SHOULD FOLLOW! QUICK , EFFICIENT, DOES THE JOB, DO NOT WASTE TIME
Why can’t they just ..
work faster and more efficient?
Spoil my mood to blog.. a lot to talk about ..
Not very happy because missed mr vinay’s farewell dinner,
I should be working right now.
Probably anticipating what would happen next.
Probably had the best time in my life
Probably love my “job” even more.
I’m home today.
I need to get my job real soon.
After langkawi perhaps. I need to get my ass off and find me a freaking job.