Archive for June, 2010

This is for you, Mr Vinay

If you were to ask me two greatest man in my life, the first one of course would be my dad. The second one, of course, is my (actually our) beloved lecturer, Mr Vinay.

(Me, Mr Vinay, Amanda)

I’m writing this for you, Mr Vinay, the one of the guy who inspired and teach me stuff that I never imagine myself knowing.

Today, 18 Jun 2010 marks the day you leave this country, hopefully for good and I’m sure that the future path you took will all go well for you. I’m so so so so so regret that I never get to meet with you the for the last time but hey, that’s not all that matters, all that matters is that, from the bottom of my heart you’re the one I truly respect and look upon to. Who knows, one day we might meet again, as, you know, we’re still in this small field – it’s a small world !

Mr Vinay,

You’re seriously one of a kind (that also means, get a real wife already!) (p/s : no more rich Indian girl in Macau :P). Not only you taught me what I need to know in audio engineering, you taught me becoming a better person, you taught me how to survive in this industry. I mean, which lecturer do that? It’s truly an honor I would say, or it’s a blessing, that I got such a awesome teacher to teach. I’m lucky that you taught me throughout my 3 semester (1 and a half year) in ICOM. You know what’s the difference between you and others ? It’s your passion to teach ! And I can see that through how much you willing to share what you know with us.

I won’t forget every single stuff you told us.

The last day in class, Mr Vinay, you said that,

  • Everyone is blessed with talents, be in it sharp ears, quick trouble shooting, or everything, all of us is blessed with talents.
  • You told us to work hard, work hard, work hard, and get better with what we do. I can’t counts how many time you mentioned the word “work hard” , and yes, I promised to myself that I’m gonna work hard, work hard and work harder for myself, to get better in what I do best.
  • We all had passion, that’s what all lead us here (International College of Music). And then you asked us what’s our passion. Be it the passion for music, sound engineering, recording, what ever, or even passion to watch pretty girls 😛 You told us to combine the passion which brought us here, with the talent that we all had, and then, yes, again, work hard, work hard and work harder.
  • So what’s left in the last “ingredient” ? It’s commitment. So, talents + work hard + passion + commitment + work harder . That’s what you left me with, I promised that I would never forget that no matter where I end up working.

Everyone, got it?  And that’s not all that you said.

You said that

  • We all yes, have passion, and we all have a lots of stuff we want to do, but life is not like that. From all the passion and all the stuff that we want to do, sort it down, narrow it down, and be good in that particular thing that we choose, I guess that means you don’t want us to be jack of all trades, master of none. Am I right?
  • We all had our strength in some area, and yes, admit that, we all had our weaknesses. You told us to know our own strength, work harder on it, and our weakness? Do not be afraid to see our own weakness. In fact work hard on that ! Yes, it still goes back to work hard.
  • There’s phases in life. We all go thru phases, and to be successful, we have to go there, and what’s the secret to get there? hard work !!
  • Stay humble, be humble !
  • Have fun! I remember the “plan” you said Mr vinay !! I’m 19 this year. 20-30 is the time for me to work hard and get better in what I do. 30-40 should be the time for me to become better and master what I do. 40 – 50 ?  Touch up on what I do, and get really good in what I do. Mr vinay, that sounds like a plan !! Tho I’m gonna marry a girl when I turned 30 😛

I would never forget all that you taught me, and I will, work very hard, I will stay humble, and of course, I will enjoy what I do !

I hope that the next time I meet you, I’m good in what I do and I hit the goal I set for myself, and, I hope that, the next time I meet you, you’re married (ok la at least you have a girl friend) or maybe you already have kids! Hahahaha

You’re awesome.

Thanks, thanks for teaching me, thanks for sharing your knowledge with me, and thanks, for teaching me how to become a better person!

Still trying to get rid of all the words you said to me from my mind,



Band Competition : Day 2

I’m effin tired today!

Let me tell you how the production schedule looks like (which never exist, anyway)

We’re suppose to start from 9am to 6pm.

So here’s what they do :

8-9am : Everyone start coming and set up

9-10am : Make up, dress up

11am : Start to rehearse

11am – 12pm : 1 episode, intro shoot

12pm – 1pm : Realized that they have limited time for five (5) episode to shoot today, they start to hurry up a little bit. Just a little bit

12pm – 3pm : Finish one and a half episode , slowly, taking their own sweet time

3pm – 3:45pm : Lunch break

3:45 pm – 5pm : Continue shooting, hurry up even more

5pm – 5:30pm : Knowing that they need to more time, started shouting and started to rush thing up to normal speed i expect them to shoot like

5:30pm – 6:00pm : even faster

6:00pm : Ask for permission to go on longer (suppose to leave now, and they will continue shooting if we didnt stop them)

6:15pm : Get the permission, and 2 hour limit.


Why can’t they just ..

work faster and more efficient?

Spoil my mood to blog.. a lot to talk about ..


Not very happy because missed mr vinay’s farewell dinner,


Band Competition : Day 1

So I was called by my college, to supervise the shooting of this upcoming TV Program called 1 Band 1 Malaysia, which is going to be aired on RTM. I took this job as the pay was considered good and to get myself busy (as I’m still, up till this moment, jobless).

I was asked to just provide system support and to deal with the engineer if they need any extra equipment or help.

Day 0, which is the set up day, I went there to check out the props team set up the stage, which I’m actually impressed by what they came out with! New backdrop, new stage floor, everything was so efficient. That’s not my main concern tho, my concern of course, is the sound system. The ‘engineer’ never show up (they suppose to have their own engineer) and the last time I spoke the the Production Manager, he said they actually have no engineer and asked if I could help.

I would love to, actually. I agreed and set up the drum set and guitar amps, but still not knowing what will happen next. Note that this is still Day 0, which actually is yesterday.

So of course I set myself a target, and I do expect something from that, before everything begun, I expect

  • Stressful environment, everyone rushing, director and producer shouting everywhere
  • Recording engineer shouting at me asking for more levels
  • Someone might just walk pass and just throw eggs at me saying what a bad mix it was

Well, might as well expect the bad as, well, it’s a TV production, I expect something very professional from them.

It turn out to be..

The other way round. The recording engineer? Instead of getting every single channels direct out from me, he asked for my Master Output, and, they only ask for Mono.

For you who don’t know, normal recording (even in ICOM Friday performance) , the engineer will record every single channel separately, for eg, we’ll record kick drum, snare, guitar, bass , etc separately so that we could mix better for the recording. Taking a master output meaning just taking whatever being mixed from the board. What if .. you would like to work on, let’s just say the guitar alone? Sorry, you can’t

So indirectly, it basically means that whatever I mix, it will end up in RTM. (Well of course they’ll have post production, maybe someone will master the mix, MAYBE, I don’t know because they’re actually recording to tapes. video tapes. I’m effin serious)

Putting that aside (maybe I’m asking for too much), the whole production team is very nice to work with! Nice, funny, humble people !

Day 1

Check out the stuff I’m gonna mix yo! Most of them I don’t even heard of it..

Today’s progress seems slow, they’re suppose to shoot 4 episode a day, and they only managed to shoot 3, and it’s working over time. We’re suppose to work from 9am-6pm, somehow today the show dragged till 9pm.

Anyway the mix was fine, nothing much as the source (err..) is.. (err..) . It’s up to your imagination how you want to fill up that (err). I like sapir tho!

The sound was so unique, and the tone is nice ! I hope I took picture tho.. Actually I did.. But i’m lazy.

I’m dead tired. Let’s see how it goes tomorrow..

Finding Your Calling : Why Pursue a Vocation?

Why should a man pursue a vocation? Is it really a worthwhile endeavor? Shouldn’t a man be satisfied to work any job that supports his family and allows him to earn a living? Is striving to find your vocation a selfish pursuit?

Today, I will set out to answer those questions and make a case for why the pursuit of one’s vocation should be absolutely paramount in every man’s life. In doing so, I will really be arguing for a broader philosophy of life, of which vocation is one vital part.

Self-Actualization and the Purpose of Life

What is the purpose of life? It is a question as old as time and one that has been answered in too many ways to list. I would like to suggest one answer that I strongly subscribe to.

I believe that one of the greatest purposes of this life is to grow and develop to the greatest extent possible, to be tested, to stretch your capabilities to the limit, to maximize all of your potential, in short, and please excuse the cliched phrase, to become all that you can be.

This quest to become “godlike” can fit within and complement most faiths. For the Christian it is a recognition of the divine potential of each individual. C.S Lewis said:

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship…There are no ‘ordinary’ people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”

For the atheist, endeavoring to explore and expand their capacities can become the overarching purpose of life. Friedrich Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

In an age of anomie, living to become all that we can is an incredibly powerful why for every man.

Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow called this maximizing of our potential “self-actualization,” the process by which people could attain “full humaness.” “What a man can be, he must be,” he said. Maslow’s writings on this subject are incredibly insightful and as I cannot hope to improve upon them, I shall quote from the good doctor extensively here.

Maslow argued that:

“In practically every human being…there is an active will toward health, an impulse toward growth, or toward the actualization of human potentialities. But at once we are confronted with the very saddening realization that so few people make it…even in a society like ours which is relatively one of the most fortunate on the face of the earth. This is our great paradox….This is our new way of approaching the problem of humanness, ie. with an appreciation of its highest possibilities and simultaneously a deep disappointment that these possibilities are so infrequently realized. This attitude contrasts with the “realistic” acceptance of whatever happens to be the case, and then regrading that as the norm…We tend to get into the situation in which…this normalcy or averageness is the best we can expect, and that therefore we should be content with it. From the point of view that I have outlined, normalcy would be rather the kind of sickness or crippling or stunting that we share with everybody else and therefore don’t notice.”

As a prerequisite to accepting the idea that self-actualization is one of the grand purposes of life, one must accept this notion that every human possesses an impulse towards growth. If you do not accept this proposition, than the rest of what we lay out today will not find purchase with you. If you do accept this idea, then it rightly follows that true fulfillment will come from maximizing this growth, and conversely, being content with averageness will rob us of the kind of transcendent satisfaction and happiness that could have been possible. Maslow cautioned:

If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you’ll be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capacities, your own possibilities.

Self-Actualization and Vocation

Maslow posited that attaining self-actualization:

“proceeds inevitably via awareness of one’s identity (among other things). A very important part of this task is to become aware of what one is, biologically, temperamentally, constitutionally, as a member of a species, of one’s capacities, desires, needs, and also of one’s vocation what one is fitted for, what one’s destiny is.”

That latter step, working at a vocation, was something Maslow observed in every single self-actualized person he encountered, without a single exception. He found that self-actualized persons were deeply devoted to a cause outside themselves, a work which they felt called to do and which brought them great joy.

Now many men have the erroneous idea that finding your vocation means doing something that will make you rich and famous-becoming a rock star or writing the great American novel. And the idea of self-actualization may feed into this misconception. So we should point out here that everyone’s potentialities will max out at different levels. The important thing is simply to push yourself to wherever those limits are for you personally. Self-actualization is a highly individual thing-your best is not another man’s best.

Remember, vocation is not your job, it’s what you bring to your job-your unique gifts and talents. So self-actualization is about finding the opportunities that will allow you to exercise your talents and use your capabilities to the fullest extent possible.

Getting More Practical

Thinking about the goal of maximizing all of my potential really gets me fired up and motivated about life. It’s an idea that honestly pulls me out of depressive funks and helps get me going again.

But I realize that not every man is into this kind of philosophy/psychology business. So I wanted to put in a section with more practical reasons for why pursuing a vocation is important.

Health and happiness. Ignoring your vocation can cause anxiety, restlessness, and depression. Using your talents and gifts brings a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that cannot be duplicated. It is also increases your peak experiences and opportunities for flow.

True, I know men, and I’m sure you do too, you are working in jobs that don’t fit them at all in order to make a living, and outwardly they put on a fairly happy face. But I often see an anger in these men emerge in less guarded moments-in road rage, heavy drinking, and resentment towards others. It can just eat at you inside, literally. More heart attacks occur on Monday morning than at any other time; men return to jobs they loathe and their blood pressure soars.

Greater success. We often associate vocations with jobs in which people barely scrape by, but still stick with it because of their love for the work. That’s surely sometimes the case, but doing what you love can truly be the path to your greatest success. In an interview with the NYT, the CEO of The Onion (now that’s a fun job) was asked what advice he would give to someone just graduating from college. He said:

“Find what you really love to do and then go after it-relentlessly. And don’t fret about the money. Because what you love to do is quite likely what you’re good at. And what you’re good at will likely bring you financial reward eventually. I’ve seen too many people who have plotted a career, and often what’s behind it is nothing other than a stack of dollar bills. You need to be happy in order to be good, and you need to be good to succeed. And when you succeed, there’s a good chance you’ll get paid.”

Freedom and Frugality. For a man who has found his true vocation, the line between work and joy/life is completely erased. His work is his play and his play is his work. Things like money, salary, vacation, hobbies, entertainment, and amusement thus lose their meaning.

Staying in a dead end job is often seen as the more practical choice, but there is an irresistible practicality to the idea of vocation as well. The man in the job he hates may sometimes make more money, but he also spends more money, trying to buy things and experiences that will make up for how miserable he is at work. He has to do what doesn’t make him happy to earn money to pay for things that do. In contrast, the man in a vocation is the truly frugal man. He’s not living for the next vacation; he doesn’t need a big screen tv to make him happy; he’s not paying a shrink and a doctor to tend to his diminishing mental and physical health. He doesn’t need much to get by and that’s true freedom.

Service, Duty and Responsibility

So far we’ve talked a lot about you and what you want to do with your life. But shouldn’t your vocation also serve others and improve the world? How do you balance your desire for self-actualization with your duties and responsibilities in life?

Thankfully these things ideally go hand in hand. When you’re a whole man, when your inward self is united with your outward self, when your inner desires are united with your outer actions, that is when you can truly be of service to the world. Maslow calls this the ideal meeting of inner requiredness (“I want to”) with outer requiredness (“I must”). Or as Frederick Buechner puts it, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

Living falsely, forcing your square peg into a round hole, not only hurts you, but hurts those you love and those you work with and for. Everyone knows the frustration of being on a team with a guy who’s there because he feels he “ought” to be or “should” be, but has no heart for it. He goes through the motions but pulls everyone down. The Sufi poet Rumi wisely advised such a man, “If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.”

Seeking your vocation is not selfish; robbing the world of what you could have done with your gifts and talents is.

All this being said, I personally believe that duty and responsibility come before personal passions. It is not manly to leave your family because you have suddenly decided that being in a traveling circus is your true calling or quit your job to go to film school when there’s a mortgage to be paid.

As Edward Howard Griggs put it in “Vocation and Avocation,” “The way to a larger opportunity is never meanly sneaking out from under the little duty of to-daybut climbing bravely through it and off the top; and then the better chance usually comes.” You may need to moonlight in a second job until you can quit your day job; you may need to find the expression of your talents in your avocation; you may simply need to find more opportunities in your current job that allow you to use your unique strengths. A determined man who knowshow to hustle can find a responsible way to balance his duties and his passions.

Fathers sometimes rationalize working in a job they hate so that they can allow their kids to follow their dreams. The problem here is that their fathers often said the same thing, and their fathers before that. Someone has to break the chain. A father must model what he wishes his children to become. If you don’t want your kids to play it small, then why are you?

Source :

I should be..


I should be working right now.

Probably anticipating what would happen next.

Probably had the best time in my life

Probably love my “job” even more.

I’m home today.

I need to get my job real soon.

After langkawi perhaps. I need to get my ass off and find me a freaking job.

Still jobless,